Hey you 🌼🖤,

Have you ever met someone 😊

Who at first you aren’t attracted to

But then you talk

And with every word 😄

Every laugh 😅

They become more beautiful 🌼

Well then 😅

That someone is you ✨

I like you and I’m falling so fast 😶

I can hardly keep up with the emotions

But I’m not even sure if you like me the same 😔

You know I promised myself I won’t fall in love with you 🤦

But then it was 4 am and we were laughing way too hard 😥

And for the first time in a long time,I felt happy😊 🌠

I wanna say I love you 💖

But I can’t 😢

Because love will mean some falling 😩

And I’m afraid of heights 😩

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Scars…. We all have them🌸

Yes, we all have scars.If you have no scars then you haven’t really lived.Some scars are visible and can’t be covered, some are invisible; those deep emotional scars that are harder to heal and go untreated for many years, maybe even decades. These may be hurts from bad choices you have made, hurts from people who have rejected you or betrayed you. Hurts from different experiences in life that have created deep wounds inside of you 🤕.

There are scars we don’t talk about because they haven’t healed yet, they’re still open wounds. These scars are a proof of survival that make us stronger. There is beauty in your scars🌹.A scar means you have survived and every scar tells a story. Scars make us beautiful because they mean that we are alive.

We can turn our scars into stars🌟and give encouragement to others that you survived and they can too. God uses our scar stories to bring healing to others. For example a few months ago I healed my scar of suffering from depression and it’s surprising how many others related to it and felt like “me too”.And then together we can talk about what it means to be like so and see it as a gift from God because he’s helping us find the right tribe that gets you better.

Think of a hurt that has haunted your soul. The one that has kept you believing that you’re not good enough, loved, wanted or even worthy.Now surrender it to God in prayer 🙏and invite him to come heal your heart ❤️and that the scar can no longer have power over you and you can use it for good.

Word of encouragement:You see the scars from when you fell God sees the stories they will tell😊 and when you see broken beyond repair 💔God sees healing beyond belief 💖.

Some of us🌼

Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful. Most girls stay out late cause they’re just living their best life and celebrating it. Most girls live life everyday feeling like the damn queen and that’s okay cause that’s how it should be.

And then there’s some of us, the rest of us who are not like most girls.Why?I guess that’s just what the world had to offer us.Honestly wish it was easy but no.Get it from me who struggles each day and knows how it feels to be such a girl. A depressed, torn soul and broken beyond repair kind of girl but somehow you eventually learn how to live with it.

Being such a girl is not easy and loving her has got to be the hardest task ever. I’ll tell you why;

She has a baggage. She is not your Victoria Secret Model dream girl you wish you have. She is not the one to look perfect in your T-shirt and hoodies with her perfect lips sipping a smoothie.

She is neither the daisies nor the roses🌹.She is the one with the depressed thoughts with an anxious mind. She is not the one to look stunning and sexy in a croptop but instead prefers wearing turtle necks to cover her face while she cries. She is the one always late for dates because she’s been pacing up and down her room deciding whether or not to go. She always looks so exhausted. From herself mostly.

She makes problems out of nothing and nothing out of everything. She is not the one to sit by the bonfire all night humming a sweet tune with hair covering her face. Instead you have to hold her hair back tight with her face covering the toilet seat vomiting all over.

When you first saw her she didn’t look sad. She had a strong face and lightened up the room with her laughter.Her sharp tongue made you think she was confident enough. And you enjoyed that, but not for long. She started telling her story and you started seeing her phases. You panicked. You fled away from her. Not because you wanted to but because you did not want to be that person who could not make her happy even though you knew you were the one and only reason that made her try to be happy.

And it’s okay because that’s life for her. She’s used to the pain and the loneliness wondering everyday what it feels like for one to love his or her own life.How to live life like most girls.My guess; she’ll never know. 🤗

No one notices 😔

There is a girl who sits in the corner

Her heart cries out

There are people all around her

But no one seems to hear her shout

She wants someone to lend a hand

But when she opens up

Nobody wants to understand

As her mouth opens up in a silent wail for help

What do you call it when you feel so alone?

When you’re in your own house but it don’t feel like home?

When you look back in your life and every choice you made seems wrong?

When the wait to die seems too long

When you smile and laugh but you know it’s all a show?

When you feel you’ve hit your all time low?

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?

When your loved ones look at you and all they see is shame?

So she waits until the sun finally sets

And she opens up once more

This time not in words

But in more than one sore

So once again she takes a razor to her vein

Without flinching or feeling no pain

She sits there emotionless

Blood pouring from her wrist

She’s in distress

But she gives in to the feeling she can no longer resist

Looking into the mirror

Hoping that’s not her

Scars all over her arms

Tears falling from her eyes

All her life she’s been taunted

Made a fool by others

Never truly befriended

Lied to and used by “friends”

Now she cuts herself daily

Kinda her routine

Escaping from all those who are mean

No one knows her true story

No one knows her life

No one knows her pain

No one knows about the knife

Because at the moment she’s invisible

And no one notices she’s there

Yes you 💕,

Hi there crush 😌.You beautiful boy 😍.How was your day? Good I hope 😊.The funny thing is you’ll probably never know I wrote this for and about you 😝.I wonder if you’ll even click the link that leads you to this post but if you do this is for you baby 🙈.

I’m crushing hard on you 😭.Thank you so much for existing.I’m just happy that you’re there. There are so many things I want to say to your face but I can’t. Why? Because I’ll probably slur my words,get those sweaty palms 😪.Here’s what I think of you in words.

You’re such a great individual. You care more about your friends and family than yourself which makes you so selfless. Rather than pout and dwell on the negatives in life,you always think of the things to smile about. You’re just yourself and that’s my favourite part 😊.

You are special, so special and I don’t even think you realise how special you are.When I first saw you I felt this instant attraction between us which I got to admit was weird. And now each time I see you,you give me the whole zoo in the pit of my stomach 😪.Not just butterflies🦋🦋🦋, I swear there are are elephants 🐘 and girrafes walking in there.

Normally I feel very comfortable around boys but with you I feel very insecure. Where normally I have a lot of game, with you I have 0 game, like seriously,0🙊.That’s why I chose to say nothing at all because I’m afraid to say something stupid. I mean this mouth of mine cannot be underestimated 😂.

You’re the perfect combination of cute, sexy, attractive,handsome and hot 😭😭💕💕.So hot🔥.If I had to create my definition of the perfect guy, it would be you. I wish I’d get to get to know you better but that is such an unrealistic thought. I want to get to the real you, what makes you tick,what makes you laugh and become friends with you first😊.I’ve caught you staring at me a couple of times too and to be honest at those times I usually feel like floating away to Mars 😪.

I’m already jealous of your future girlfriend because with you, daaamn😭😭🔥🔥sister girl already won the lottery 😍.So I like you but I don’t think I’m going to do anything. I’ll just let it be.I’m just going to keep you as my dream person and not let reality ruin anything 🤗.

This could be us but you’re not even mine 😂😂If only 😪.

So see you forever,in my dreams and fantasies 😌 cause that’s where you always are anyway 😪.

Sincerely,

The girl who is too shy to say anything 🙈

PS:If you think this might have been written for you,I challenge you to ask me if I wrote this for you 😂😂.

Ouch!My Teenage Life

I don’t know how you see it but I find being a teenager interesting and super draining at the same time. And we all have that point in life where everything just sucks.

So you might be stuck in that place where everything just sucks and things don’t seem to be getting any better. You wish you were prettier.You wish a boy/girl liked you back. I sometimes wish that I gained at least more weight. So you’re stuck and you just wish your life was over because you can’t bear it any longer. That feeling when someone or something hurt you so much that you even hate getting out of bed.If this sounds like you then congratulations 😄.You’re more normal than you realize.

Being where you are right now is one of the most difficult places you’ll ever be for the rest of your life. How do I know? Well I’ve been here before and I still am. I guess it just feels like the most hardest and darkest moments because of how young we are and how trapped we feel by our age.

Maybe this tough part life is probably shorter than we think. And you’ll get past it. So for now keep going through the motions and move through this times as best as you can. Simply put:Just bear with it 😊.Remember that this is just a fraction of your life.Even though you’re in a lot of pain, it’s a common kind of pain. You’re not alone even when you feel alone. A few months ago I came out to speak out my depression and surprisingly I wasn’t the only one. Most of my friends also had a story of their own just like mine.

That opened my eyes on how much many people around me are hurting and they just can’t find the words 😪.I don’t know if you’re one of those people but truth is you’re not alone 😊.You’re more than just one girl/boy in 1000.You’re here for a reason and that’s why God brought you to earth. 😊.

The main thing is everything will be different and better than it is right now. You will be a different person and your life will be better.Move through this time. Greatness awaits you and it’s so worth reaching out for. I know it’s hard when you are alone. It may seem endless and hopeless.

But here’s a message.You will be okay and you will one day be happy.Just get through this time.It will never be this hard again.Xoxo my love to you all💕,Julie.

Dear Mine😭💕,

Unmotivated.Angry.Irritable.Sad.We a ll have that one person in our lives that comes to mind.And unfortunately for some of us its ourselves.😄

Depression.The worst thing that ever happened to me.Days that I become my worst enemy.Days when I don’t eat a single meal or leave my bed because I’d rather not face the reality of me being awake.Days that I hate myself and everything around me.But then I met you.

You started caring for me even before I told you about my struggles.I tried everything in my power to hide my sickness from you but it was inevitable that you’d find out.I slowly broke down and told you my secrets😨.You held my hand and cried with me through it all😢.I struggled through every word of it.😢

When you met me you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me😢.Without you I don’t know if I’d be standing tall and fighting for happiness everyday.You helped me save me from myself.

You loved me enough for the both of us😭💕.I was consumed in negativity and could not see anything past that but you did.You frantically crawled through my heart and looked for the broken pieces that I couldn’t find myself.You loved me at my worst😥.You never gave up on me.Even when I gave you a million and one reasons to.

You made me smile when I couldn’t do it myself😢.You spoke words for me when I was lost.Everyday you would look right through my eyes because you knew I wouldn’t be like this forever.You have sat with me through mental breakdowns,held me for hours when I cried,supported me through difficult life changing decisions,driven hundreds of miles to see me,;just so I wouldn’t be alone.

I didn’t love myself but you did.You looked into my eyes and saw me as beautiful😢.Your love💗it changed me.Wiping away my tears,giving me hugs,3 am calls when you just listened.Those parts of myself that I only showed to you.The guilt,regrets and painful thoughts.Your love,it warmed them💕.My imperfections you embraced them😪.You never told me that I should smile anymore but you made me smile anyway.Piece by piece you put me back together my aching mind,heart,body and soul.😃

To the one who tried to absorb as much of my pain as possible just so that I could feel a little less.Who wanted to do anything and everything just so that I could be a little or less broken😢.

Here we are,an year later and still getting better☺.Do I slip up and still have bad days?Sadly Yes and every time I have to live with the guilt that I’m hurting you.You are my hope and push me to get better and give me something to work towards.You helped me save me from myself.My battle with depression was just that….a battle,but I know you will remain a soldier fighting for me😭💕.

You saw me.You held me.You felt me.You never once gave up on me.The one who would never let as much as a finger untie from our grip.Who saw through my opaque pain and loved me at my worst.😭😭💕💕

I LOVE YOU💜💜.My strength.My rock.My happy place💜.Everyday💜

An open letter to KDF,

For those of you who might be thinking KDF stands for Kenya Defence Forces,first of all you’re lost😂😂and no,it doesn’t stand for that.At least not in this case.As most Kenyans say it nowadays,KDF means “KiDathi kinene Fiu”I like to visualize it as the cousin to the “mandazi“and “ngumu

Anyway this three letter word has been in everyone’s mouth.Me included😍.I mean,it’s January and nobody has the money to through left,right and centre thus it works as a really good alternative 😂.So my idle mind sat down and thought of writing a letter to this KDF boy😍😍.Here it goes,

Dear KDF,

Why you gotta be so good?😭.I know this being a letter I should probably be asking you “how are you?” but I already know the answer to that.You’re always so good💕So sweet😍😍.So satisfying😍.The only one who doesn’t judge me for eating two of you even though I know I shouldn’t. Infact you challenge me to eat three of you😭.Thank you for always pushing me and encouraging me to buy you at such a low price.😂.It seems like when Jesus said man shall not live on bread alone he knew you were coming😍.Yes you😍.KDF😍

You make me forget what the world thinks after those few bites I have with you😭.The satisfaction you give me is unexplainable.My stomach gets butterflies every time you go there.My teeth blush as they chew you😂.Our relationship is so deep you know.If anything you’re the girlfriend in this relationship since I am always wasting money on you😭😭.I know I may seem needy at times but that’s because I really do love you💕💕.Just one favour,Please love me back😭😭.Thank you for your continuous support.I’ll see you again soon😍.

Love always,

The girl who just can’t say no to you😍😍.


Two kinds of people,

So your Nyeri girl is back with her Brookhouse Chronicles that you’ve all been asking for😂😂.Anyway so I was at the part where I am stranded because I know no French.This is the part where parents take the full blame for it😕.I mean whose fault is it that I wasn’t born anywhere near France💁.Or that I never attended a French school💁?My neighbours?😕

Back to the story anyway.So as I’m sitted here wondering how to pronounce that word as I remember some time a friend was teaching me French and I was having a hard time prouncing ‘S’ as some weird ‘hagggg’ sound😂😂😂.If you know French I’m sure you get what I’m trying to say. 😂

But then the waiter comes to my rescue and says the word😊.I am telling you I felt as if I had just strayed into Gotham City and Batman had just found me ready to punch me into a ball of plastic but then Voom😂😂Wonderwoman comes out of nowhere and saves me.If you didn’t get that I’m sorry and incase you’re wondering how I know about Batman and Gotham because its so unlike me😂it is because I have a friend who thinks he is Batman’s sidekick😂😂so yeah that’s how I know some of these things.And I know he’s gonna read this and feel so proud I said that😂.

So Wonderwoman to my rescue and you have no idea how grateful I am at this moment😭.So finally his food is brought and then he starts complaining how the food is so little but expensive and of course there I can back him up because it’s so true😕.He goes ahead to tell me how him and his friends usually hang out at Java as much as their food isn’t much.You see I highlighted the word usually.So that means it’s a routine for them and a perfectly normal one to them.So some people normally hang out at Java every weekend and here I am usually feeling like I just bought Villa Rosa every time I go Peppinos and buy a soda at 300 instead of 150😭😭then buy cups at 10 bob😭.Some teen hangs out with his friends at Java every single weekend😂😂.Some of us spend weekends in Central Park or Arboretum with cameras and a soda and two KDFs for lunch😂😂.That’s actually less than a 100 bob😅.

But anyway Java life is normal life for him😌.So I’m just there listening,nodding and comparing our lives as he talks then he tells me to pass him the ketchup which I do.Brace yourselves for this next part😂😂😂😂because after this I wanted to teleport back home😭😭.I was so embarassed😭😭.My fries (chips😂😂.Today we are talking Brookhouse)so my fries and his were different😂.You’re wondering how?This is how👇😂😂😂

I know you’re probably laughing at yourself right now because you belong to the first kind😂😂😂just like me😂😂.I was shocked😭.I was embarrassed😭.I was demeaned😭.I was humiliated😭.So please,those of you who belong to my group I’m here to tell you Brookhouse kids don’t😂😂😂.They belong to the second kind because that’s just what he did😳.So just incase you get yourself a Brookhouse date do not squirt your ketchup all over your fries😂😂.I’ll repeat it again in our common language for better understanding.Do not spread your tomato sauce all over your chips😂😂.I know I just saved someone out there so thank me later when it does happen to you😂.

So me and my embarrassment which had now reached full blown stage😭😭.I could not take it😂😂.The good thing is I’m smart😂😂.So I told him “actually my brother was eating this no wonder he squirt the ketchup all over his fries.These kids you know.All playful and messy”He bought it😂😂he bought the lie😂😂.I was dying inside with laughter feeling like a combination of Isaac Newton and Mahatma Gandhi for coming up with such a smart lie😂😂.I can’t be embarassed twice in one day😂.And the conversation continued flowing normally thanks to my smart brain which apparently withers during exams😕.

So he’s there telling me how he has to go to town but he’s bored because he has to take an uber because the mum can’t chauffeur him 😂😂😂.Wait😂😂,First of all the only place my parents chauffeur me to is school just to make sure I don’t skip school😂😂.Second of all Uber 😭😭.The only time I’ll take an Uber is when Trey Songz proposes to me😭.Other than that,never😂😂.At least not now😂.So he is here whining about Uber and all is do is keep up with Rongai’s matatus. I can give you a list of all of them and their interior design😂😂.Reminds me of some song I saw on Youtube today “Nduthi gang“All thanks to the minds of some creative Kenyans😂😂.Shoutout to those guys who came up with that by the way 😃.If you haven’t seen it yet,please do😂.So as some of us enjoy the ‘Mat za Ronga’ and ‘Nduthi gang‘ lifestyle someone out there is complaining about Uber life😂😂.

So as he sits there complaining about Uber my dad says it’s time to leave😭.And that’s how my date was cut short😭.

Did I mention how he was telling me that punishments in their school are harsh so I asked him how harsh and he is to tell me that they are told to run around the field😕Really?😕.Isn’t that even working out?In my High School I washed dirty filthy pigs as a punishment😭😭.I weeded coffee bushes😭.One time my class had been given a punishment to cut grass at that coffee area which was known as “Siberia”😭.So we went😂and that wasn’t even grass😭it was stinging nettle😭😭😭.And then as if that’s not torture enough,a snake appeared out of nowhere and every one threw their pangas away and started screaming and running😂😂.But I didn’t run😂😂.Not because I’m courageous but because I was too freaked out my legs couldn’t move😭😭.I just stood there and started crying😂😂.Crying seriously😂😂.I was in form 3 by then.Some of you still keep on reminding that incident to date😂😂Anyway let’s forget about that😂.

So that Brookhouse day is when I realised there are two kinds of people😂😂

Those who school under Matiangi’s rules and those who school under international rules😂😂

Those who squirt ketchup all over their fries and those who spread it on their ketchup😂😂

The list is so long😂😂 the rest of the differences you can all add😂😂

Two kinds of people, 

If you think you have seen it all in life, get yourself a date with a Brookhouse kid 😂😂and live to tell a story just like I am about to in a few😂.That is of course for my kinda people who never got a chance to study there😂.Today this page is all about laughs😂.

This is Brookhouse😍.No it’s not a castle🙉.It’s a school😍.One of the most prestigious schools in Kenya😊.So a few weeks into Christmas I hooked up with one of the kids from this school😝.Wait,you’re asking where I studied because I seem to be making such a big deal out of it😂😂.I studied in some National School in the Central Province somewhere between coffee bushes and a market😂😂in a place called Karatina,Nyeri😂.Am I the only one who hated that “Karatina” name?😒

Anyway back to the story.Just so you know this date was actually unplanned for😭.So one morning my dad needs some company to the mall and since me and my brother are too idle he drags us along with him.Coincidentally he bumps into a friend of his who has also come along with her kids.And so they decide we all go for lunch and that’s where it all begins😂😂.

So my dad and his friend sit at one table and we the kids sit at a separate one from theirs.So this friend has these two boys who look my brother’s age and another guy who roughly looks my age or slightly older😊.In my brain I’m happy at least I also have company my age and won’t get bored much😚.Not to mention he is so fine🙆😭.So we sit and luckily enough he initiates the conversation before I do and asks me my name,age and school.I’m nervous already but I can’t show it of course😝.Now it’s my turn to ask and you won’t believe what I get😭😭.First of all he’s 16😳.I can’t believe I’ve been drooling over a 16 year old to the point of making me nervous😒.Second of all he says he’s in Grade 11😂😂.I pick my phone and text my friend what’s Grade 11.You know, just for confirmation.😂😂.The reply “ayee huyo ni Form 3😂😂”I feel so stupid right now for crushing on such a baby😭.That was a whole lotsa feelings gone to waste😭.

Then it hits me😂” Wait, Grade? We definitely don’t call it that in 8-4-4😳” So right there I know I’m dealing with an international kid 😂😂.”What school?”I ask.

“Brookhouse.” 😳My melanin wears off for a minute when he says that😂😂.I feel like I’m just a spongebob dealing with a Batman 😂😂.Stupid me tries to comfort myself and answer”Aahh just near my school. 😂😂😂”Then he says “That’s awesome.So you’re in Cambridge?”😂😂😂Even before I react to the question my brother who’s playing games on the phone pauses his game,looks up and asks “huh?!”Then he gives me this “Sister,lie and I will be here to expose you”look😂😂😂.This siblings😒

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I have never felt so insulted.Cambridge ashawo😂😂😂.So with  pain in my heart😢 I answer “No,I’m in Cuea.”Dude has the nerve to ask me what the hell is that😂😂😂.I swear I’m tempted to tell him it’s a seminary😒but I fight it anyway.So I explain to him it’s a University.Honestly how do these kids not know when it’s just a stone throw away from their school😒.Some level of ignorance though😒

All this time under the table I am busy googling Brookhouse fee structure😂😂😂Don’t ask me why😂😂I’m stupid😂.And I found it😭.So this kid pays almost a million for fees while I pay twenty thousand😭.My brain is doing calculations “So he’s worth a million shillings per term while I’m not even worth a Bajaj😳.(Bajaj is a motorbike;locally nduthi)😂😂😂.Seriously why is life so unfair😭😭.”All this time there’s an awkward silence between us and I decide to break the ice.But then you don’t wanna know what I tell him😂😂.I say “cool ears”😂😂.Yes😂😂those organs used for hearing😂😂😂.I don’t even know how that came out😂😂and I feel like hiding under the table😭😭.The guy is still shocked and prolly wondering if I’m sane.I’m so embarrassed right now😂.But he’s only 16 anyway😂.

“You haven’t ordered”I say just to cover my embarrassment🙈.Then he says “I’ll have what you’re eating.What’s that?”.But there’s a problem😂😂.My dad had ordered the food for me and it’s in French.I don’t know how to speak French😭.I don’t know how to read French😭.So how the hell I’m I supposed to answer that😭.He even hands me the  menu to choose for him but I just can’t😂😂.Why?😂.I don’t know no French😭😭Nothing at all😭.So he’s waiting for me to answer but this Brookhouse material has no idea this Nyeri material is stranded😂😂.

End of part 1😂😂…Look out for part 2 people💕😂